Before I go on, it might be a good idea to define what I mean by soul. It's a word that comes from religion, but I personally am not talking about a dogma or set of canonized beliefs here. I like the Italian word "anima" because it pretty much wears its meaning in the open. It's the animating principle. Without it, you're a doorstop, a statue, a rock. Stock-still as the universe churns.
So there you have it.
I don't know when I lost my animating principle. I think it ebbed away, so I didn't notice it until it was gone. I keep hoping that when I call out, it will respond and come back.
How does it feel to lose my soul?
Not very good to tell the truth.
According to the timestamp, I wrote the words above back on Dec. 28, 2019. Little did I know what was coming. What had happened just a few weeks before was an attack of sciatica that made it almost impossible to get out of bed and walk. At this point looking back and not journaling about what's going on in my head, I can't tell you what was so soul-sucking. I'm glad it's over.
According to the timestamp, I wrote the words above back on Dec. 28, 2019. Little did I know what was coming. What had happened just a few weeks before was an attack of sciatica that made it almost impossible to get out of bed and walk. At this point looking back and not journaling about what's going on in my head, I can't tell you what was so soul-sucking. I'm glad it's over.
One thing is for certain, the COVID-19 years have forced a focus on what's most real. Ambition, etc., all the usual markers of success are a poor substitute for living. That's not to deny the place of ambition and action in life, but reflection and connection with family, friends and people in general - something many of us have starved ourselves of over the past year or so - is top of the list of activities, and when you've lost your soul, you've forgotten that. That's my story, anyway.
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